So Many Snow Whites

Have you ever noticed how Hollywood seems to think that things are better in twos? It seems like every few years, one of the big conglomerates comes up with a great idea for a movie, and then another conglomerate uses the same idea, and suddenly we have rival movies. Classic examples: Deep Impact & Armageddon, Dante's Peak & Volcano, The Illusionist & The Prestige, Antz & A Bug's Life.

Well, hang on to your knickers, because now, Hollywood has decided that America needs not one, not two, but THREE different versions of Snow White, all being released in 2012/2013. This just annoys me! One is plenty, people! Of course, each studio says that their version has that special something to differentiate themselves from the competition. Let's see...

1.) The Brothers Grimm: Snow White - The only casting move thus far on this one is Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen. I'm cool with that decision, although it's hard for me to imagine sweet Julia playing anyone evil. Apparently, the "It" factor in this one is the director. It's the guy who did "The Cell," so I guess he's just supposed to blow our minds with the imagery. Storyline will be the classic though. I like classic.

2.) Snow White and the Huntsman - The big to-do on this one is the casting. Kristen Stewart as Snow White, Viggo Mortensen as the Huntsman, and Charlize Theron as the Evil Queen. If I get to see Viggo looking even remotely like he did in LOTR again (Ranger = Huntsman), I will have no qualms with this choice. Charlize has that glint in her eye that will translate well to wickedness. But Kristen Stewart? Talk about pandering to the Tweens and Generation Y. Kristen is great as Bella because she and Bella have similar personalities anyway, but I don't think her stumbling over every line and exaggerated pauses are going to lend itself well to this role. In my opinion, Emily Browning was a no-brainer for this role. Look at those rosy cheeks!

3.) Snow and the Seven - This one actually has a shot of being different, so I don't mind it so much. This one is set in China (?) and features 7 warriors instead of 7 dwarfs. I have no idea where they're going with that, but Disney's putting it together, and of course, I have complete faith in Disney. The rumor mill said that Natalie Portman would be Snow in this one, but I think that's fallen through now. Shame. I love her.

The funny thing is that I've never even seen the original, animated version of Snow White. I might be the least qualified person on the planet to give an opinion on this, but my suggestion? Throw all these in together! Keep Viggo, keep Julia (sorry Charlize), don't keep Kristen for heavens sakes, throw in some Emily Browning, and drop them all off in China with some dashing Asian warriors. Anyone remember Shang from Mulan?

Now that's a face I wouldn't mind seeing again ;)